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UTP convocation day
17 okt 2010
I’m pretty sure he is mad at me just now (Just my guessing due to my previous message). But, how could him not replied anything to me and make me waited.
“If he hate so much when I got text message from others or when i text messaging others, why couldn’t he sacrifice his tiny time to text me ? At least to tell me that he is busy or doing something or he mad at me or need me to wait till midnight to replied me or anything. At least I’m not left wondering to death like this.
If he hates to wait for my message, why must he make me wait?”
I almost send him another sarcasm message when suddenly I realize that the message won’t make the situation better. In fact, the questions linger in my mind just might lead to another complicated issue.
So please miss lin, take it slow. Everything happens for reasons. U needs to breathe and relax or you will have another painful night with your migraine just like yesterday. Remember?
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Think straight. I need some distraction. Alright, let just switch on the radio~
10 to 15 minute after that, he message me.
“Baby, you know that I miss you.
I wanna get with you tonight but I cannot baby girl and that’s the issue.
Girl you know I miss you, I just wanna kiss you but i cant right now.
So baby kiss me through the phone.
See you when I get home.
-this song reminds us the early stage of our relationship.
Sorry if i hurt u so much this time.”
The sweetest message I have not received for a long time and guess what, I cried so hard.
All the pain, all the pressure, all the night I spend wondering, it’s all disappeared just like that.
I’m speechless and I can’t describe what I felt at that time. I overjoyed.
He still remembers things that we used to have before.
It’s like a cure to my wound and suddenly, I don’t get mad at all.
The feeling is change.
I miss you.
I’m still in love with you.
I’m sorry for making so many mistakes.
I’m still the girl who needs you.
I’m still the girl you used to know before.
I wish that the happiness will be ours forever.
As usual, I don’t want to change the air. I’m not going to ruin it this time. So each time I want to text massaging him, I keep reminding myself.
“No lin! This wasn’t the good time. You love the conversation you had just now right? You want it to be this way today right? So put the damn phone please or you’re going to regret it.”
I must wait for him to messaging me. It must be too pressure with him to pleased his family and me at the same time. He doesn’t like me to interfere much when he is busy driving or spending time with his family. The more I interfere, the more headaches he got, the more issue I need to face, the more ignorance I get. So, let just take turn I guess.
The other thing that he thought me is he doesn’t like to be pushing around.
Not long after that, he text message me. I think I’m not supposed to type the content of the message here. So maybe I can just make the conclusion about what is it about.
I kind of dislike the message he send to me.
JEALOUS.ENVY.MISUNDERSTANDING.HATRED.
That’s all I can think at the moment.
I decided not to reply the message. With all the negative feeling I had inside, it’s only gonna make the condition worst. After half an hour, I replied. I don’t want to take too much time as it going to end up worst also. He hates me late replied his message unless with some reasonable reason.
TIME IS MONEY.MONEY IS TIME
lalallalallala~
But I guess, even the best words I choose to hide my real feelings to make the message a bit humour and joke, I don’t think he take it that way cause he just replied 3 words. I send a smiley and he didn’t reply.
I wait, I wait and wait. Nothing.
So I opened back the send massage folder. I read back my message for him. Maybe he offended with what I’m saying. Guess I failed again to maintain this harmony situation. If only I can manage to keep my manners.huh~ let it be what it be. I’m sorry.
I don’t remember when the last time I got phone call by him
I don’t remember when the last time his name appeared in my call received list.
I don’t remember the feeling of getting this nervous feeling when he called.
I don’t remember when is the last time we having phone call conversation without any fight.
I don’t remember it at all.
I don’t think that he ever know or notice about this.
Everything is change when I’m with him.
I’m no longer a mobile phone addict. I can just leave my phone nowadays.
I even put in on ringing tone mode.
(It is something that I will never do before)
With him, I was thought to respect time and money.
But late in this evening today, while I’m taking in all the dry laundry at the downstairs balcony, I was surprised.
My one and only sister run towards me with my mobile phone, saying that I got a phone call. There’s nothing on my mind. Maybe mom or dad wants to remind me about the dry laundry or dinner or anything.
My heart beating fast and my mind get curious.
It’s him!!!
My brain works ten times harder than usual in those 2 seconds.
“What did I do wrong this time?”
“Is he okay? Is he involved in any accident?”
“Is there any important thing or news he wants to tell me?”
“Are we going to have another issue?’’
(Told you, everything should be fact stuff or important stuff)
However, of course, I’m still answering the phone call.
I try to speak as soft as possible and avoiding something that might cross the line.
I really don’t want to hurt him, me or anybody again this time.
It surprised me when I look at the call timer.
More than 5 minutes and the aura are still in the normal mode.
I got this some weird feeling, where the aura feels so nice and warmth.
I’m nervous.
I’m happy.
I’m curious.
And I feel everything.
I kind of like this feeling actually.
Just like before we end up in some complicated situation.
The phone call conversation end nicely.
Even without those smoochies moochies kisses like in our early stage of relationship.
“I don’t mind~
I think we are too old for that habit.
(Even I miss it sometimes .... hahahhahaha)”
I’m so speechless over the situation. It’s like that I had been giving second chance to feel what I felt before. Is it a sign of something? I wonder.